It's easy to be overwhelmed by the demands of caring for a partner or wife with breast cancer. You don't want to stop feeling like a husband or partner, but at the same time, you don't want to let yourself become resentful. There's not always a medal or a thank you at the end of the day, and if you don't take care of yourself, you might just burn out or lash out when you don't actually want to.
There are a few ways that will make sure that you're able to keep your cool and be the best breast cancer husband you can be.
1. Get organized over the next few months
Once your wife's breast cancer is diagnosed, the first thing that you'll want to have is a bird's eye view of the next few months. Make sure you know if there are any clashes coming up. Take a calendar, and write down the dates of any surgery, if you know the dates of the chemotherapy or radiation, write those down too. If you don't know these just now, don't worry, just put down what you do know. Even this will help. Overlay this with any kids' school holidays, family vacations, your own work commitments including conferences, sales visits. Any time you see a clash, give it a big circle and get to solving how to resolve it.
2. Get organized over the next week
When you're in the throes of surgery or chemo, it's sometimes hard to keep track of everything. Make sure on a Saturday afternoon that you review the week ahead with your wife. Do you have a plan who will pick your wife up from her breast cancer surgery or mastectomy when you have a presentation that absolutely can't be avoided? And that happens to be at the same time that your daughter has a ballet concert! It is better to see these clashes up front so that you can work on avoiding them.
3. Ask for some help
Friends, colleagues and neighbors often want to help but don't know what to offer. If you have something specific that you need help with, such as picking up some pharmacy medicines or picking up your child from school, this is the time to ask. There is no point in straining to the point of bursting. You won't be able to support your partner with breast cancer as well as you might want otherwise. If anyone asks if they can give help, and you think they are sincere, you could suggest that they help make a meal for the family in a few days time. Something that can be frozen if needed.
4. Carve out some space for you
This one is probably the most important. This is the thing that will stop you from burning out. It might be either a solo activity such as walking or meditating, or a group activity such as a team sport or a club that you're involved in. It needs to be included on the family weekly timetable as a priority.
Breast cancer can be all consuming. It's up to you to take some steps to help protect yourself so that you can best support your breast cancer wife.
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